Gambling Jokes: Get on a roll with dicey casino humor, poker jokes, high stakes puns, card game humor, pool hall puns and well-played jokes to deal with. We’ve searched high and low for jokes with gambling puns and have come up with a list of the most cringeworthy.Brace yourselves; they're bad. The World’s online gaming authority since 1995. Categories Pun of the Day Tags casinos, gambling, monks, religion Leave a comment.

“What did the dealer say to the deck of cards” and many other classic jokes and puns in the world of online gambling, right here, on bestonlinecasino.com. We all enjoy a good laugh and, though playing for real money is no laughing matter, we decided to delight our readers with some of the most hilarious jokes and puns that we could find. This is also a collection that we intend on growing, so make sure to check back regularly for the latest gambling jokes.

All-in in the kitchen

A group of men are playing poker when one is warned that his friend is making love to his wife in the kitchen. All the man wants to know is whether or not he’s all-in.

A man wants to play poker with his wife

A man wants to play poker with his wife because he knows she’s not any good at it, and wants his money back. The wife protests: “but I don’t know how to play poker.”

Bet on everything

In Las Vegas they let you bet on anything. You can even bet if you’re going to win or lose in the casino.

Betting her age

A woman faints when she bets her age and a much higher number comes up, making her feel VERY old.

Betting in Tibet

Two women are having a conversation about a husband who’s planning a trip to Tibet. The woman tells her he goes there because it has ‘bet’ in the name.

Betty the Race Horse

A wife busts her husband for saying his race horse is called Betty, when actually it’s the name of his mistress.

Blonde playing pop machine

A hot blonde woman plays the pop machine and thinks she is winning.

Blonds playing bingo

Blonds are waiting for the number free space to have bingo.

Break even

A man goes to the casino and hope he breaks even, because he really needs the money.

Bring your own chips

A woman puts down frozen French fries on the casino table, as she was told to bring her own (casino)chips.

Broken slot machine

The slot machine is tingling and a blond woman doesn’t realize that she’s just won the jackpot. Instead of that she thinks the machine is broken.

Can’t deal with you

What does a blackjackdealer say to the deck of cards? I can’t deal with you anymore.

Casino chips versus potato chips

A woman is munching on casino chips at a casino table. She tells her friend that she wonders how long they’ve been there, as they’re very hard.

Casino don’t N⁰1: lucky dice

Casino don’t number 1: don’t ask the croupier if you can use your lucky dice when you are playing craps.

Casino don’t #2: counting cards

Casino don’t #2:Don’t bother counting cards with your fingers.

Casino don’t #3: card tricks

Casino don’t #3: don’t ask the blackjack dealer if she knows any good card tricks.

Casino don’t #4: Caribbean stud poker

Casino don’t #4: Don’t wear a Jamaican wig while playing Caribbean poker.

Casino don’t #5: French wheel

Casino don’t N⁰ 5: Don’t ask the Roulette guy if the French wheel was imported.

Casino don’t #6: cheering at your racehorse

Casino don’t N⁰6: Don’t stand up and cheer on your horse at the horse racing game in the casino.

Casino don’t #7: Don’t put your dinner plate on the roulette table

A man puts his plate down on the roulette table, believing he sees a table where he can eat.

Cheating with poker

A player says the other player is cheating, because he knows that those aren’t the cards that he gave.

Conjoined twins at the casino

A man bumps into a pair of conjoined twins at the casino and asks them if they’ve won. The twins reply: “yes and no”.

The difference between a casino and a church

The difference between praying in a church and praying in a casino is that in a casino you really mean it.

Doctor playing poker

The wife thinks that her husband needs to go to a serious surgery, because there are already 3 other doctors, but he is just going to play poker

Dog playing poker

A dog is playing poker, but reveals his good hand by wagging his tail.

Eating Dice

Two craps dealers are enjoying pudding filled with dice in a restaurant.

The ex winning the jackpot

A man receives a text message from his ex who wants to get back together after winning the lottery.

Favorite song of a poker dealer

A poker dealer who’s doing a dance move from the music video of ‘Everyday I’m shuffling’, while he’s shuffling cards behind his poker table.

High stakes

When an older man sees a vampire walk into a casino he asks: Why do vampires play poker? The other man points to the sign above the entrance, which says ‘High stakes’.

Just looking around

A blind man at a poker table uses his dog to look around the table.

Leaving with a Fortune

A man asks another man why Las Vegas is called the city of fortune. He shows the nickels in his pockets and tells him you have to gamble a big fortune to win at least something.

Looking for blackjack

A woman is looking for blackjack at the casino and asks a coloured man if he’s blackjack.

Losing with mobile poker

A man asks his friend how he managed to lose money playing poker on his mobile phone. He tells him he called himself by mistake.

Lost my wife

A man walks up to a woman and asks if he can stand with her, because his wife always appears when he’s talking to a beautiful woman.

Marriage bet

A man bets that his girlfriend wouldn’t marry him, and she raises him with five.

Casino Gambling Usgamex

Money changing machine

A man is happy because he thinks that the money changing machine is a gambling machine.

Monkeys playing dice for peanuts

Monkey’s are gambling and a woman wants the guard to stop it, but the monkeys are keeping within the law, they’re only playing for peanuts.

Naked woman winning

A naked woman is distracting the two dealers at the craps table.

Odds to play strip poker

A blackjack player asking the stunning dealer what the odds are she is going to play strip poker instead of blackjack.

Playing aces slowly

A man asks a blonde woman why she is taken so long to play her poker hand. She answers that she is playing, but she wants to play her aces slowly.

Poker don’t N⁰1: card tricks

Casino And Gambling Puns

Never perform card tricks for the group you play poker with.

Praying for the lottery

A man prays to god to help him win the lottery, but god asks him to first buy a lottery ticket.

Safe combination

A blonde woman has won a lot of chips. She tells her friend that she will keep the chips in her vault. The combination for the safe is all 5s, but she won’t say which order they’re in.

Casino Gambling Problem

Spending too much time in an online casino

That man’s spent so much time in an online casino, he thinks he can play for free in an real casino as well.

The craps table

A man takes the translation of craps table too literally.

The steaks are too high

A man walks into the butcher shop and wants to make a bet with the butcher about reaching a piece of beef that’s hanging. The butcher tells him he’ll not bet on that, because the steaks are too high.

Tipping the blackjack dealer

A blackjack dealer wants a tip like a waiter, but the player only gives a tip when the blackjack gives him what he orders, a Queen.

What happens when you don’t drink or gamble

Casino Gambling Pictures

A man wants a bum coming to his house to show to his wife what happens if a man doesn’t drink or gamble.

Why poker is like sex

Two men explain that you don’t need a partner at poker if you have a good hand, much like sex.

Wife going to Las Vegas

A women thinks to earn a lot of money with sex in Las Vegas, but the husband doesn’t think so.

Wife pays the rent

A wife is paying the rent with sex because the husband lost all the money with poker, but the husband doesn’t know that she does it a lot.

Winning the lottery

A man wins the lottery and want his wife to leave the house.

Bad beat

A man is crying after playing poker an

Casino Gambling Puns